RAWR

Ugh I hate how I had such a good day yesterday and now I'm super frustrated today. I've got to get my damn arm fixed. I just wanna scream and punch everyone I see. I think that I possibly need some coffee. I read in one of my favorite magazines Women's World that women who drink coffee are less likely to be depressed that day. I need my own place again so that I can really be myself again.


I guess you could say that I'm kind of a loner. I enjoy my Me Time and people drive me insane. If I want it quiet, then I get frustrated that its not that way. But everyone gets lonely from time to time. Then I get frustrated that I can't be around the people I wanna see. I have a history of panic/anxiety attacks. Never diagnosed by a doctor but it's obvious thats what it is. The crying, shaking, cant handle the noise. The want to scream my lungs out and not wanting to be touched by anyone.


I made this blog available for everyone on my facebook to see. Today, I feel that was a mistake. I cant sit here and rant about everything thats on my mind when I have family as my audience. I had a stupid fight with one member of my family today because another member of my family threw me under the fuckin bus. About something soooo tiny and meaningless. But because the one said something to the other making it into something more then it was, it got blown up. I hate it here.


I didnt grow up without the things I needed. I was taken care of. But one thing I always remember from a child to now as an adult, I'm never allowed to be mad. Ever. And if I let off one ounce of me being mad she jumps down my throat. Like seriously not allowed to cry or yell or be upset about anything. If I say one thing, one tiny line about something, all of a sudden I have a fuckin attitutude according to her. I am 24 years old and am still being controlled by my mother.I gotta get the fuck outta here.


I cant be myself around here. I need to be surrounded by my own things, do my own thing. I need my own place. No roommates. Just me. I know I will thrive on my own. I just gotta get there.


  ^
(sac)